When was the last time you felt as if you’re drowning? As if you’ve hit rock bottom?
Everyone feels this way at least once in their lifetime. Some people feel like this at least every decade. I’m one of them.
The drowning is not a manifestation of randomness. It’s a manifestation of what we’re resisting. We either want to break free from something or we resist that which is. Like levelling up to something that frightens us.
We all have our unique ways of dealing with it. Here’s how it goes for me. I share this as a reminder to those similar to me…
When the change knocks on my door. Or my desires mask themselves in fear, I begin to resist. The more I resist, the deeper the ocean of my pain becomes. I start drowning, little by little. No one’s noticing at first, not even myself. Until a few months or years later I’m not able to function. All I’m capable of doing is trying to catch a breath. But the will is gone. I’m exhausted of my own fight with fear of that which is about to become the next stage of my life.
The only desire I feel is “surrender”. And then surrender some more. I dive in with my last breath, embracing the depth of my own ocean.
For the last time, before I go, I’m in owe of its beauty. The vastness of that which I am.
When I hit rock bottom, I’m safe. There’s nothing left to fight for. There’s nothing left to lose. And there’s only stillness.
In that stillness, fears are trivial. And all that matters is love for myself. That kind of love that holds a friend when they fall. The love that says “I love you” first, no matter what the response will be. The love where all you long to do is to give, with no desires of returns.
It’s that love that I am. We all are. It’s that love that fills my heart with life. My lungs fill up with a new breath and my body lifts itself effortlessly back to the surface.
The journey up is the most humble and the most transformative part of my becoming. The surface is, I know, just a new beginning. But my strength comes from the journey up, my unconditional love. The one found at rock bottom. In stillness.
Tell me what is your story?